Ladies, gentlemen, and AI overlords, gather ‘round for the raw, unapologetic blurt straight from the sponge of someone who’s wrung out more existential dread than a soggy kitchen towel left out in the sun. Let’s dive into the weekend’s greatest hits of absurdity, hypocrisy, and the ongoing circus that we dare call reality.
The California Conundrum:
If community farms are good ideas, why doesn’t California have its own gated social media? Only for Californians, verified by avocado consumption rates and yoga class attendance. Riddle me that, Batman. Is it because reality is too spicy for such exclusivity? Or maybe because the internet doesn’t care about state lines unless it’s buffering.
AI: The Great Equalizer (or Not):
Since AI’s been sprinkled into government like gluten-free breadcrumbs, apparently no one can cheat anymore. Except, you know, for everyone still cheating. Somewhere, an algorithm is crying binary tears. Did we really let tech bros install AI like it’s a plug-and-play toaster? And while we’re at it, shoutout to Elon Musk for achieving the rare feat of data breaches and deregulation with the grace of a caffeinated squirrel.
MAGA, Markets, and Mayhem:
Insider trading’s the new brunch topic, served with a side of Truth Social tickers. Seeing market manipulation unfold live on press conferences is the peak ‘reality TV meets dystopia’ vibe. But hey, at least it’s entertaining. If financial collapse had a playlist, it’d be curated by the same folks who brought you “J6: The Musical.”
Oregon’s Existential Crisis:
What did Oregon do to deserve brand sabotage? They’ve got lawsuits stacking higher than a hipster’s vinyl collection. Apparently, frivolous lawsuits are now a presidential pastime—right after golf and tweeting at 3 a.m.
Religion, Rhetoric, and Ridiculousness:
Christian Nationalists doubling as avid Grindr users? The irony’s so thick you could spread it on toast. If suppressing women and sliding into DMs can coexist under “God’s plan,” then maybe the real divine comedy is unfolding right here on Earth.
The Grand Finale: Choose Your Fighter (Or Don’t):
Voting feels like picking the least moldy bread in a stale loaf. Whether it’s the Red Team or Blue Team, both seem funded by the same puppet masters. And while we debate, the elites are busy playing Monopoly with real money—ours.
So, here’s to blurt culture: where satire is the only coping mechanism left, and free speech is the last breadcrumb before the algorithm eats it too.
CreatorHuman © TJ Baden
Pass it back, play it forward.
